Chapter 2 – Sevens

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Ito and I have never been friends. We met during the club welcoming party. I fell in love with her while we were still acquaintances and fumbled my way closer to her until we eventually started dating.

Basically, we started as acquaintances, completely skipped the stage of friendship, and directly became lovers.

In the first place, I was never as close to a girl as I was with my male buddies. And as far as I could tell, all of Ito’s close friends were girls.

As such, we managed to avoid 『Friendship between a man and a woman』, something that, since time immemorial, has been accompanied by the constant threat of drama. Though I believed that it’d be possible for Ito and I to have such a relationship.

However, going from being exes to 『Simple friendship』 could only ever be an uphill battle. If one of us took one step, no, even a half step in the wrong direction, it was entirely possible that everything we built up to that point would come crashing down. That’s just how delicate the connection between us is right now.

And yet, despite knowing all that, I suddenly and foolishly took several dozen steps in the wrong direction.

＊

Last night, we got caught up in sharing our memories and our worries, and weren’t satisfied even when our time in the first Japanese restaurant came to an end. We hit up a second place to continue. Ito had shown some interest in the high-ball that was a specialty of a place near my house, so there we toasted for the second time that night. Friday allowed us to be quite proactive.

In the second bar, our conversation was centered around our hobbies, especially our interest in games. Apparently Ito hadn’t managed to get around to playing 『Ender Vice』 (commonly called EnVi), a popular action game where you could play together with others in an open world. So she was totally captivated by my tales of playing.

It felt like we had only just started when the bar’s closing time came around, so we still weren’t satisfied when we left.

I invited her to my place. I wanted to talk a lot more with Ito, and Ito really wanted to take a look at EnVi. In my floaty head I complacently thought that if Ito decided to stay the night, I could just sleep on the couch.

Ito was a little hesitant, but in the end she agreed. On the way, we picked up some alcohol at a convenience store. I bought stronger stuff than usual since I wanted to show off my alcohol tolerance. In the end, my judgment went out the window after just one can.

We played EnVi for about two hours and then ended up sleeping with each other. Either Ito was also drunk or I pressured her out of being able to say no. If it was the latter, then I am utter trash. A fucked-up piece of shit who can’t be helped anymore.

By the time the view outside the window was illuminated in the morning light, I was already thoroughly depressed. Ito just commented with a bitter smile, “So we did it, huh?”

When I apologized while bowing my head, Ito ruffled my hair.

“I already thought that it might turn out like this when I decided to visit your place.”

Ito had already resolved herself. Or maybe she was telling a white lie for my sake. Either way, I totally hated myself and kept apologizing to Ito who continued to smile at me. Even more than the act last night, my follow-up the next morning was the worst as well. I’ve never experienced a day where I hated myself as much as this.

After I walked Ito all the way to the ticket barrier of the train station, I came back home, and hid under my blanket for the rest of the day. I was sleep-deprived, but I couldn’t fall asleep. However, I didn’t have any willpower to stand up either.

The hangover, sleepiness, and self-loathing dominated my head, spoiling my Saturday.

＊

Back when we were dating, Ito hated having sex when she was drunk. She felt that when we were drunk, all the words said and the deed itself felt like a lie. No matter how sweet the words whispered into her ear were, she would end up feeling like, “Can’t you say the same things when you don’t have the power of alcohol backing you?”, and then she wouldn’t be in the mood anymore. “You’re welcome while I’m sober though, Fuyu-san,” she had teased me mischievously with an impish smile.

And yet, Ito was always extremely clingy whenever she was drunk. So we almost always ended up in bed. And the next morning,  Ito would always pull a “oh no” face, and I would immediately feel guilty. Every time I apologized I felt like I lost somehow, but her “oh no” face was oddly adorable, so I would end up doing it anyway.

Those sweet memories changed into despair the longer I stayed under my blanket, becoming heavier weights in my heart.

“At this point…she’s going to hate me so much that things will become irrecoverable…”

But, that’s only natural. It was only logical if all my actions from yesterday night led to her hating me.

Even so, I grasped at what straws I could, and thought about possible chat messages that might convey my sincere regrets and apologies.

Just as I began brainstorming, I got a chat notification. The sky outside the window has already started to turn red due to the sunset.

“Eh!?”

It was a message from Ito. I immediately opened it despite my utter surprise.

『I downloaded EnVi!』

That message was accompanied by a screenshot of a popup noting that the game had finished downloading.

EnVi, the game I had played for her to watch last night.

“…?”

For good measure, I tapped her avatar icon. Yep, it’s Ito. Undoubtedly.

Sure, she had been really interested in EnVi yesterday. But, messaging me like this at this time?

I was seriously confused. And although I didn’t know what to make of this, I answered with a 『Cool』 for the time being. I didn’t want to bring down the mood unnecessarily, so I sent this kind of affirmation.

The reply came in no time.

『Teamplay is available at level 10, right?』

“…??”

Not understanding anything, I just answered her question, 『And you need to clear the first chapter』

『How long does that take?』

『Hmm, I’d say around 3-4 hs?』

『Alright! Then I’ll get it done by the end of today!』

And then Ito sent me a weird emoticon of a somewhat weird character doing a weird victory pose.

I answered with an emoticon of my own…maybe she’d decided to act like yesterday didn’t happen?

＊＊＊

Even though I was confused, and even briefly suspected sudden amnesia, I wasn’t going to bring it up. For me, resetting yesterday’s events and continuing our relationship was all I could ask for. Naturally, since I expected her to completely break off all contact with me.

Maybe she forgave me? Or she didn’t care about it that much in the first place?

But, deciding which one it was all on my own would be a very bad idea. If I decided it was the latter, I would probably end up doing something truly irrevocable next time. It would be safer to keep assuming that I’m a huge idiot. Let’s not  put any faith in my own judgment on this matter.

The next chat message from Ito came in the evening of the next day.

『Say, I’m kinda struggling with the boss of the first chapter here』

Apparently, ever since she had become a working adult, Ito had steered clear of games. Then again, she has sucked at action games for as long as I have known her, so EnVi with its high difficulty must be giving her quite a bit of trouble.

『Learn the enemy’s attack patterns, and muddle through somehow』

『I did learn them but whenever it swings its hammer around, I can’t avoid it at all』

『Most likely you’re just chasing him too far』

『How can you tell!?』

Afterwards she told me that chatting was too much of a chore, and we switched to a phone call. Probably because she was at home, and thus relaxed,  Ito’s voice was draggy, without any intonations. It made me feel like my strength was being drained by just listening to it.

『Fuyu-kun, did you really manage to clear this in three hours?』

“I’ve been playing games from this company for a very long time now, so yeah.”

『How unfair! Unfair, sly, cunning, meaaaannie!!』

“Well, it’s definitely impossible to clear the boss if you’re drunk.”

『I’ve only had one can of beer so far, so I’m an essentially a Non-Alczer』

“What sort of logic is that? What’s an Alczer anyway?”

『The alcohol content of one beer is one-beer-zer』

“Wait, isn’t that the lemon one? Or what’s with the “zer”?”

A soundless goose cough laugh ─ Ito’s earnest laughing voice. Her way of laughter, and the nonsense of our conversation hasn’t changed at all from back then. It’s extremely nostalgic, pleasant, and comfortable. It makes me want to talk with her like this for the rest of my life.

『Speaking of beers, there’s this decent draft beer bar Shinjuku, you see』

“Okay.”

『How about we go───』

“…Sorry, Ito. As I thought, this is kinda hard on me.”

The limit of my heart was reached in basically no time. But, despite my sudden refusal, Ito’s voice remained lax and cheerful.

『Hmm? What is~?』

“I can’t act like Friday didn’t happen.”

The thorn stuck in my heart was simply too big, so I couldn’t  ignore it and move on like I was trying to. I want to be friends with Ito. I want to have a pleasant, happy, wholesome relationship with her. Maybe someday I’d even be able to build a relationship that went beyond friendship once more.

For the sake of this future, I must rid myself of the thorn. And seeing how it was all my fault, I cannot be indecisive here and now either. I truly loathe what I did, but if I pretend none of it happened, I’ll hate myself much more.

『As always, you’re a diligent guy in the weirdest of places, Fuyu-kun~』, Ito laughed as if she was surprised by this. 『Usually, guys wouldn’t pay any attention to this, you know?』

“I do, though. My relationship with you…the memories from back then…are special to me.

『………』

“I don’t really know how to put it into words, but…I wanted to interact with you 『properly』. I don’t want some half-assed relationship, or a relationship with a weird aftertaste. We broke up back then, but I want us to have a relationship where I can brag that we get along well even now.”

My emotions were still-half fluid, not quite solidified yet and thus hard to put into clear words, but even so, I still laid out the truth as I felt it.

Ito had been carefully listening or maybe just wondering what I was talking about, but halfway she stopped making any noises of agreement.

“That’s why I want to apologize properly first. Then we can go back to a wholesome, normal relationship again.”

And just when I tried to apologize once more like I had declared…

『Out of the question』

Ito held me back. And this time her tone was much more of a growl, consequently tightly gripping my heart.

『No apologies』

“Eh…? Why?”

『Cause things will stop feeling comfortable』

I didn’t understand what she meant, and thus waited for her to continue. Since we were talking on the phone, I didn’t know what sort of face she was making right now, so it was somewhat more intimidating.

Then Ito started to talk as if a dam had burst, 『It doesn’t really matter. Things don’t have to be proper. I mean, sure, I was a bit surprised when we did it, but I told you that I pretty much expected it, didn’t I? It sucks, that sort of tediousness. I don’t wanna act prim and proper when I’m not even at work. I’m already tired of all that. Acting proper for 24/7 is asking too much. I can’t do it.』

“Ito…?”

『I’m exhausted. Leading a diligent life, working as hard as you can, romance and marriage…none of that matters』

Her voice was all over the place. Her words were somewhat irresponsible. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her like this.

『Don’t tell me to be proper. I’m a-ok with just having fun. Let’s simply stay together because it feels nice. It was the same back then, right?』

Her shrill and slightly hysterical voice had turned into a faintly teary one at some point. And then, at the end, she muttered with a fleeting, barely audible voice, 『I really want to go back…I want to go back to that time, Fuyu-kun…I wonder, is it impossible at this point…?』

“……”

Right now I can’t see her face. But, I can roughly imagine what her expression must be like from the tone of her voice and her words. Once again I was forcibly made  aware of my own thoughtlessness.

It was looking right back at me from the work bag I had tossed on the floor. A disposable hot eye mask. The one Ito gave me Friday night.

Why did Ito react so nervously to the pain in my eye? Why did she know so much about the causes and symptoms of eye strains? Why did she carry a hot eye mask with her?

She must have experienced it as well. Eye strain induced by stress.

Ito broke a long time ago. In this society, before we met again, in a place unbeknownst to me.

I should have asked her as well. About the darkness engulfing her, about the causes of her stress.

But I had her only listen to my griping.

Only now have I finally realized something so obvious. Just how much did I fuck up during that one evening.

It doesn’t matter anymore. No, wait. It does matter, but right now Ito isn’t looking for an apology from me.

“…Then I guess we’ll go back.”

『……Huh?』

“Let’s just go back to that time. Let’s just do fun stuff, without thinking about bothersome shit like work or love. We’ll just act without any fetters, just like back then, when we were at university, when we were together.”

Thinking about it logically, why did we need to do things properly in the first place? Even though the both of us are constantly forced to be unreasonably prim and proper at work, I don’t have to act properly even with Ito, do I? No, I don’t need to care about shit like my awareness as a fully-fledged member of society.

If people want to tell us to live properly and build  a wholesome relationship in this shitty trash heap of a world, they can just shut the fuck up.

Ito wants to spend time with me because it’s relaxing. Without any of the usual constraints and considerations. That’s all she wants from our relationship. Of course, I have no idea how that kind of relationship will turn out. But, somehow I feel like I’ll be able to become a lot happier than I am right now.

『1,000 Yen each time you tell me something along the lines of look at reality』, and after a while of silence, Ito further muttered, 『It’s a promise』

“Yeah, you too.”

『Of course』

“Alright, I’ll treat you to 1,000 Yen’s worth at that draft beer bar for starters.”

『Hehe, yahoo!』

After that, we went back to talking about the game. As if our talk a few minutes ago, and the events of Friday night didn’t happen.

The only thing that mattered between us was the fact that Ito and I were chatting just like in the past.

It’s not like I don’t want to know what exactly hurt Ito so much, but now is not the time to ask her about it. Or maybe it’s better for me not to know at all. As long as Ito doesn’t want me to know.

There’s nothing as unproductive as playing Sevens with just two people. After all, your opponent knows exactly what cards you’re hiding. Pretending to not know even when you’re both fully aware of what hand the other has is ridiculous.

Even so, the Sevens game between Ito and I looked like it’d continue for a long time to come.

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