Chapter 4 – A Wedding Reception Banquet Run by Oni
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As soon as Malida formally returned to being the family head, we scheduled our official wedding reception banquet.
“Wine! Bring me more wine! My cup is empty!”
Wearing the jet-black leather armor she used during battles, Malida was sitting on the lord’s armchair installed in the reception hall while kicking up a fuss.
Lichere, who was wearing a maid attire, poured new wine into Malida’s cup. Meanwhile I was sitting on a slightly smaller chair next to Malida while tasting the liquor offered to me by various oni.
“Any more will be a bit…”
“Albert, are you saying you won’t drink my liquor!? This tiny amount is like drinking water, wouldn’t you say!?” Brest poured more liquor into my cup while doing the typical harassment of a drunk.
Well, it’s got a low percentage, so I can still drink a good amount of it, but it’ll never end if I simply accept everything. Besides, the leather armor I’m wearing is quite cramped, and with all the wine in my stomach, the area around my belly has started to feel tight.
“Okay, one more refill it is then.”
The liquor poured into my cup was something close to beer as it used fermented malt and hop. It was an alcoholic beverage with a refreshing but bitter taste.
“Haah, please allow me to finish at this point. Guuh!”
If I drink anymore, it could happen that the beer will come back out of my mouth.
“What, tonight is Malida’s and your wedding reception banquet. Look around you. Your guests don’t look like they’ve already had enough to drink.”
Brest pointed at the group of oni who were noisily and merrily bawling while holding cups in their hands. You could also see a small group of humans, but they were keeping their distance from the oni.
Because it was the wedding banquet reception of the family head, around 700 residents of the fief had been invited to Castle Ashley to let people see my face as I had married into the lord’s family while also serving as strategist.
“Very well, then allow me to pour everyone new alcohol in exchange for excusing me from drinking anymore. There are also quite a few people who wish to speak with me about various matters.”
“No choice, I guess. Okay, give me one fill! I’m still far from having drunk enough!”
“As you wish.”
I poured wine into the cup held out by Brest.
“Uncle, don’t push around my husband too much. You’ve got Auntie for this, right?”
“Ugh, you do have a point. Fray, please pour the wine for me!”
“Yeah, yeah, give me one second. I’ll be with you right away.”
Brest downed the cup I had just refilled for him, called his wife over, and had her pour more wine for him.
“Malida-sama, I’m going to fill up the cups of the other participants, so please excuse me for a while.”
“Sure, be careful out there. The more booze is being drunk, the higher the number of folks picking a fight.”
“I will watch out.”
I stood up from my seat next to Malida, picked up a wine jar, and headed towards the other participants. I was acquainted with the retainers who were part of the mercenary band in Alexa, but there were a lot of people I’ve never met yet among those working and living in Castle Ashley.
Because the oni were a minority, almost only members of the family were participating in our reception.
“That’s the guy who won the heart of War Goddess Malida-sama, huh?”
“He’s relatively slender and young, but he’s a good man.”
“According to the rumors, he’s a wolf in bed. He seems to be completely unfazed even when taking on two women at once.”
“That…sounds amazing. I gotta try him out myself――”
“Idiot, you’re going to get killed by Malida-sama. Malida-sama, who was known for being a die-hard woman lover, appears to be madly in love with him.”
Listening to the talks that reached my ears, I could vaguely understand how I was being perceived by the people here: A white-collar worker in the night business who made Malida, a former woman-lover, fall for me.
If I go by the conversations of the oni who are seeing me for the first time, I can’t sense a shred of them recognizing me as a strategist. They aren’t wrong in what they say, but I’d like them to somewhat approve of me as a strategist who provided the smarts that led to Malida’s reinstatement, too.
If I don’t manage to somehow change their perception of me, it will make my future work here much harder. Isn’t there some good plan I can use for this…?
“Now then, the booze has made several rounds by now, so we should do it anytime soon! Get ready, folks!”
Lator clapped his hands together, urging the oni, who had been drinking their liquor, to prepare something.
What’s going to start? Today’s plans only include a normal wedding reception banquet, right?
Once an elevated pedestal was set up in the center of the great hall, Lator climbed on top of it.
“Now then! It’s the start of the traditional oni trial of strength tournament!”
“”””YAAAY!””””
Huuuh!? A trial of strength tournament? I haven’t heard anything about this, though.
“Today’s main cast is, of course, Albert who’s become Malida-nee-san’s husbaaaand!”
“”””WOOOOOOOO!””””
Upon Lator pointing his finger, all the oni focused on me.
Wait, wait, I’m no meathead, so I’ll obviously lose any trial of strength right away! It’s impossible! Absolutely impossible!
“W-Wait a sec, Latour, I don’t get what you’re saying here.”
“This is an ordeal all men, who marry into our family, have to pass. I’m sorry, but we’ll get you to do it as well, Albert!”
“Eeehh!? M-Malida-sama, is that true!?”
I checked back with Malida, who made Lichere sit on her lap while pouring wine, to confirm the veracity of what Lator was saying.
“Sorry, Albert. It’s just as Lator says. Those marrying into our family have to fight oni in a contest of their own choice. But, don’t fret. They won’t go as far as killing you. Because strength is an expression of your own supreme worth, you cannot avoid this if you want to become an oni clan member.”
Baaaaaaaaaahh! I haven’t heard anything about this! Telling me to win a contest of raw strength with oni is just silly!
Casting a fleeting glance at the oni, several of them had started to move their bodies for a warm-up.
“U-Umm…what’s going to happen if I don’t manage to exhibit my strength?”
“Well, that’s obvious without anyone having to tell you. Strength is the sole criterion for ranking between oni.”
Wait, if I don’t display my own mettle in this trial of strength, I’ll be treated as fucking leech who only relies on the authority of Malida!? That’s really bad!!
“You’ll be fine. It’s a formal event. I know best just how incredible you are, Albert. Even if you don’t win against anyone, I’ll put them in place.”
That’s the part which I don’t want the most!
“Albert, hurry up and decide on the type of competition! Any sort of competition is deemed acceptable,” Latour badgered me to make up my mind fast.
It’s impossible. My body isn’t trained enough to hold up with an oni in a competition…I don’t feel like I can win any tournament we might have――hmm? He mentioned any sort of competition works, didn’t he?
Basically, it means the usage of swords or physical strength isn’t necessary, right? If it’s the competition that has just surfaced in my mind, it should open a path for me to defeat all those meatheads.
“There is no mistake about you approving any competition, no matter what form it might take, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s right. No restrictions have been placed on the types of competitions. Right, Dad?”
“Yep, everything goes!”
Even the oni, who had been warming up, were nodding silently.
“Then we’re going to use this for the competition I’m suggesting.”
I took out a writing brush that was always hidden in my pocket from a gap in my leather armor and showed it to everyone.
“A-A brush!? No, that isn’t a weapon…”
“Just like the oni entrust their lives to their favorite weapons, I’ve been counting on this writing brush for my life!”
I approached Lator and then Brest with the writing brush in my hand. If they didn’t permit me to fight with this, I’d have absolutely no chance at victory.
“I was told moments ago that any sort of competition would be alright. Are oni a race of liars who break their own promises!?”
Oni had a very straight disposition as meatheads and thus hated lying above everything else. When I had questioned Malida about the reason for her exile, she relatively easily confessed everything because of this special trait of oni.
“You’re right. Lator and my Uncle both said that any sort of competition would be fine. Us oni do not tell lies. We have no choice but to accept Albert’s proposal!”
With just one word of their matriarch, the atmosphere in the venue immediately turned into one of approval.
“Very well. I will have you compete against me on the speed of writing characters in that room while using this writing brush!”
I thrust the brush at a small, windowless room surrounded by white walls at the corner of my sight while telling them the details for the match.
For me, who had been transcribing books in a corner of the Great Library since my time as priest, it’s a competition I can take on at any time in this world that has no copy machines.
“Y-You’re telling us to write in there…that’s a lie, right!?”
“Albert, are you mad!? That room is cramped and has no windows!”
“Yep, the competition will be held in there! Come on, get ready!”
I thrust my brush at Lator and Brest, both looking rather pale at the moment, and prompted them to prepare.
“No choice! You lazy bums, get ready! Hurry up! Those challenging Albert, step forward!”
“Of course, we will also have Lator and Brest-dono participate as well! Malida-sama, too!”
“””Haaah!?”””
The three froze upon being called out by me. And then, after lining up small writing desks inside the room, the heroes, who applied to participate, sat down in order.
“All of you, you do look quite unwell. Are you okay?”
“I-I-I-It’s o-o-okay! Right, Uncle? Us oni would never fear something at the level of writing letters in a cramped roo――”
“Y-Ye-Yeah, it’s u-u-unthinkable for me to be s-s-s-scared of something l-like this. Right, Lator?”
“Uuuuuuuuuugh, I can get my arms to stop tremblin’!”
“Okay, everyone, over here you have the text to be transcribed. Please write down everything.”
Lichere held up a paper with the text to be written like a round girl, announcing the start of the competition.
『One only acts after careful consideration』 was written on the paper. Because the oni didn’t use their head most of the time, I had them write this text down, hoping that they’d think about the meaning at least a bit.
“Gyaaaaaaaa! I-I can handle this m-much!”
“Uuuuuugh! I feel like the white walls are closing in on me from just writing a single character! I won’t lose! You think I’m going to give up so easily!?”
“K-Kuuh! Crampeeed! Why does the writing brush weigh so much when held in this room! Does it contain lead or what!?”
With Malida being the first, the oni wrote down the text while having pale faces. They’d show outstanding concentration abilities when it came to things related to battle, but even oni, who would draw maps and write war reports, seemed to struggle very much inside this windowless, small room when having to write stuff completely unrelated to battle.
“One challenger has dropped out after fainting. Albert-sama is already done writing, so please hand in the first text as quickly as possible,” Lichere rushed the struggling oni as referee.
“W-Wait, Lichere! There’s no way that I cannot match Albert, right!?”
“Malida! You must show the backbone of an oni to Albert! Complaining about something so――”
“D-Dad! A rash has appeared on my hands! At this rate I’m going to die here, am I not!?”
Unable to finish the transcription, one oni after the other fainted with foam coming out of their mouths. Or rather, just how much do you guys hate paperwork anyway!?
Seeing the fainted oni without being able to feel a shred of the joy they exhibited on battlefields, I couldn’t help but sigh very deeply.
“Okay, here comes the second text!”
After the hand-in of the first text was over, Lichere moved on to the second text. The faces of the oni started to look increasingly worse.
“Albert, I’d like you to forgive me! I was simply dragged into this! I do not deserve to be punished like thiiiiis!”
“The world…the world is spinning. Fuck! Because of something like this…fuck! Fuck! I won’t lo――”
“D-Dad! My hands keep tremblin’ like mad and somehow it seems like the surroundings are getting close――”
Malida, Brest, and Latour also fainted before writing down the second text, falling prostrate on their desks.
“Nothing less of oni. We should praise them for not having let go of their weapon, the writing brush, even after losing consciousness.”
“Winner, Albert von Erwin!”
The competition was thus decided with me being the clear winner. With this, the meatheads wouldn’t look down on me. Rather, they shouldn’t even feel like opposing me after I’ve defeated Malida, their highest rank.
I mean, sports-minded people always obey their superiors.
“Now then, I still haven’t had enough, so let’s distribute the slogans I wrote down for this to all participants of today’s wedding banquet.”
Afterwards, the 700 participants copied my slogans for around an hour. Around the time we wrapped it up, I had gained a deeply-ingrained respect among the oni.
Having decisively won the trial of strength which was about the 『strength of the brush stroke』 instead of 『military strength』, I was able to fortify my position as strategist on top of my standing as Malida’s husband.
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Translation Notes: