Chapter 3 – Story 81: Controversialist
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Several anecdotes have been handed down, when it comes to food and Divine Son of Destruction Soma Kisaki. One of those concerns a beverage.
Divine Son of Destruction Soma Kisaki didn’t like the wine and beer, which was drunk like water in his era, and mostly drank zoan tea, broth made out of roasted barley, and fermented fruit juice. Many historians explained this with 「The Divine Son of Destruction was so short tempered that he couldn’t wait for the barley and fruit juice to be turned into liquor by letting them ferment」, but this is wrong.
According to 「Shyemul’s Notes」, the document coming closest to the truth about Soma Kisaki, 「Soma easily gets drunk and doesn’t like the taste of liquor either」, thus describing something unexpected for a despot whose bad reputation reverberated across the whole continent.
Moreover, it was the same in regards to food as well. Divine Son of Destruction Soma Kisaki, who brought many dishes into this world through his 「Tongue」, the cook Marco, was fully devoted to attain the peak of gourmet food, and once he got tired of that, he even ate humans, according to some documents like chronicles who seriously recorded this. But, in reality, 「Shyemul’s Notes」 tell us that Divine Son of Destruction Soma Kisaki liked eating the following:
First off, barley rice with mitou soup that included wakame. In addition, grilled, dried fish, and a few vegetables pickled in salt.
During banquets and whenever he received foreign visitors, he would treat them to stunningly luxurious feasts, but usually Soma would prefer simple meals. Due to this, some of his retainers would recommend him to eat slightly more scrumptious meals, but Divine Son of Destruction Soma Kisaki would each time answer, “There exists no bigger treat for me than this.”
Currently Souma was having such a simple meal in the encampment with a sturdy rampart (which had taken several days to build) in front of Luoma. Until today he had always eaten the same provision balls as the common soldiers, but since the enemy remained cooped up inside the city, he managed to calm down for the first time in a while, allowing him to enjoy his usual meal.
“Man, I live for the sake of this bowl,” Souma muttered in full satisfaction after tasting mitou soup with a flavor of dried sardines and kombu.
Most recently, people around Souma had gossiped that the mitou soup might contain some weird drug that caused withdrawal symptoms. However, Souma could enjoy his soup from the bottom of his heart without needing any such drugs.
Then again, it’s still lacking. As expected, no matter how you spin it, it’s not complete yet.
“But, I’d really love to get my hands on tofu or fried tofu.”
Souma had been pushing the research on tofu as always, but so far he hadn’t succeeded at it. He kneaded wheat, cut it into small, thin slices, fried it in oil, and used that as a substitute for fried tofu, but he couldn’t help but think that something was off.
Hearing Souma’s monologue, Shyemul commented, “Toufu? Please stop with something so dangerous.”
Souma tilted his head, unable to understand why tofu would be dangerous. He was about to ask Shyemul for the reason, but before he could, an elven court lady appeared.
“Please forgive me for disturbing you during your meal, Lord Soma. ――Just now, your awaited guest has arrived.”
As soon as he heard that, Souma drained down the remaining mitou soup and stood up, “Okay, I got it. I will come to greet him right away.”
◆◇◆◇◆
The one who arrived inside the encampment on a small wagon pulled by a single donkey was Solon whose white beard reached all the way down to his chest, making him look like some old wizard.
“Bloody hell, boy, you’re a slave driver to call these old bones all the way out here.”
The first thing Solon did was to complain to Souma who had expressly come out to greet him. This immediately pissed off Shyemul who followed up with a flurry of insults.
“Damn. I had hoped you’d croak on the way here, old geezer.”
But her angry words only made Solon cackle happily.
“Just seeing the sullen face of the beast girly already made this whole ordeal worthwhile. Hyo hyo hyo.”
With those words, Solon stood up on the driver’s bench and showed off how he could move his body energetically.
While soothing Shyemul, who was baring her fangs with a threatening growl, Souma said, “Mr. Solon, it’s not like I called you here to anger Shyemul.”
After chiding the old man like that, Souma led Solon to his own tent while explaining the series of events up until now. As he listened to Souma, the earlier jesting demeanor vanished from Solon and his face took on a serious color. Given that his dignified look now would make ten out of ten people believe it, if you introduced him as a wise man, it was proper to call him a mysterious oddity.
Once Souma finished the general explanation, Solon sat down on the chair offered to him inside the tent and immediately asked, “So, what do you want me to do?”
Souma smiled wryly at that as Solon played dumb even though he should understand his task very well, and answered, “I’d like you to persuade the lord of Luoma to surrender.”
Souma’s army would likely be able to take the city even with a brute force approach. But, that would only damage the city and above all, Souma’s army would have to pay a heavy toll.
Persuading the city’s lord and getting the city undamaged would make the rule of the city afterwards much easier as the basic administration would remain intact. However, winning over a hostile lord was anything but easy.
Even under normal circumstances, they were treated as revolting slaves. Souma didn’t know whether the other party would recognize them as negotiation partners in the first place. And even if the lord of the city agreed to a negotiation, making them surrender by overcoming their animosity, touting the benefits, and occasionally appealing to their emotions would be a herculean task.
For the sake of having a working chance at this, it’d require an outstanding conversationalist, which is why Souma called Solon.
“I see. But, that’s a very difficult duty.”
Solon knitted his eyebrows and folded his arms, pretending to be hesitant. This was something Souma knew as well and thus he promised to reward him with something he desires, if he succeeds.
In response, Solon raised one finger.
“In that case, just one thing. ――I’ve heard that you would be soon opening a barrel of the 『whiskey』 which had been stored away five years ago. I would like to have one bottle of that.”
It’d be the world’s first distilled liquor which had matured for five years. It was such a valuable item that Yoash had already offered a ridiculously huge amount of money for it. Even just one bottle would cost an incredible sum of money, if sold on the market.
However, Souma readily agreed to that.
“Very well. If I can get an entire city for the price of just one bottle of liquor, it’s a bargain for me.”
“Hohoho! As expected, you got it right, boy.”
With his whole face smiling, Solon vigorously stood up from his chair.
“Okay then, I’m off to the city,” he said with a casual tone as if he was planning to walk over.
Souma got all flustered at that.
“But, we haven’t prepared the gifts yet, you know?”
Even though they were opposing sides, Solon was going to meet the lord of the city. Obviously it’d be rude to come empty-handed. However, they hadn’t prepared any such gifts yet since Solon had arrived only a little while ago without giving Souma a chance to discuss what to offer as a gift.
“Ah, no need, no need.”
But, Solon waved his hand as if shooing away a fly.
“I have heard quite a bit about the temperament of Luoma’s lord. He seems to be a straight-laced man who would get offended if you carelessly gave him money or goods. I don’t need any soldiers with me either. One attendant to carry my luggage will be more than plenty.”
Souma looked somewhat worried after hearing this, but then Solon added as if having just remembered, “I’m not going to say that it’s in exchange for that, but I’d like to borrow your shogi board. Sorry, but I already brought it with me on my own accord.”
Shogi existed as a game on Seldeas. Of course, the types of pieces, the number of fields and so on was different, but moving your pieces in turns and taking the opponent’s king piece as winning condition remained unchanged. At some point Souma got all excited about that shogi game and ordered the elves and dwarves to make him a game board, but nowadays it was just collecting dust in a corner of Souma’s room.
“That shogi board, huh?”
Souma’s face became grim. But not because he didn’t want to part with the shogi board. Rather, it was because Souma was plagued by slightly embarrassing memories when it came to shogi.
“I have heard Luoma’s lord is a huge shogi lover. I thought I could have a little game with him.”
Shyemul grimaced at Solon, who was tracing a shogi piece with his finger in the air, believing that he was just going over there to play. But, Solon answered that with a broad smile.
“What, it’s impossible to get it done right away, but I will show you that I can definitely win over that city and its lord.”
After making that statement, Solon stabbed his cane into the ground and tried to unsteadily walk out of the tent, just to be stopped by Souma.
“Please wait a moment. Actually, there are some people I’d like you to take with you.”
Solon looked reluctant as he had already mentioned that he didn’t need any soldiers, but Souma shook his head at that.
“Some of the soldiers who surrendered come from Luoma. They’d like to send letters to their families, telling them that they’re safe.”
Thereupon, Solon’s eyes widened a bit.
“Hoh, it’s something coming from you who has a nasty personality. That’s not all there is to it, right?”
“You can tell?”
For the sake of winning favors with the city’s residents to make the rule after the occupation as smooth as possible, Souma tried to release a part of the prisoners while making them deliver letters which guarantee the safety of the soldiers of Luoman origin, but that earned him a reaction he didn’t expect. Souma had come up with a move that would attack the city from another angle in addition to sending in Solon as negociant.
Hearing the explanation about it, Solon laughed cheerfully once again.
“Good gracious, Lord Soma, you have quite a nasty character.”
“No, no, I’m nothing compared to you, Mr. Solon.”
Shyemul couldn’t help but sigh in an appalled manner at the two who were completely acting like two corrupt villains. 1The raw mentions 越後屋と悪代官 (Echigoya and the evil governor). If you search for that term, you will find many fitting images. It’s a famous story in Japan, based on a historic event. Basically it’s about a merchant sucking up to a corrupt bureaucrat. But I opted to localize it while adding a short note.2
Just then, the other person whom Souma had called over arrived.
“Umm, I heard you called for me, Lord Soma?”
The one thrusting only his head into the tent was a young man with chubby cheeks――Souma’s exclusive cook Marco.
“Yo, Marco. I’ve been waiting for you. Actually I have a little request.”
“Oh?”
Marco wondered whether Souma wanted a snack or dinner despite having eaten his lunch just a little while ago, but Souma told him following:
“Could you use your power to take the city of Luoma together with Mr. Solon?”
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