Chapter 21 – Suzune ①
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The regular time I get out of bed is 6:30 a.m., but I wake up half an hour earlier every morning to offer a prayer. My deepest wish is for Yuuta-sama, who got hurt by my ugly heart, to spend his time leading a healthy life in peace.
Once the clock hits 6:30 a.m. I wash my face and clean my cell. I’ve been admitted to the 1st Ward in Kanagawa Penitentiary, a prison for first-class criminals. The 1st Ward houses all the convicts who have been sentenced to jail for life. I was imprisoned for having sexually assaulted Yuuta-sama, a man.
It’s rare to be imprisoned for crimes against men. In the first place, it’s difficult to sexually assault men who live in Exclusive Male Zones. Even though it was dumb, I used the opportunity of having my Service request chosen to assault Yuuta-sama.
Usually, prisoners are scheduled to line up outside our cells after 7 a.m. for roll call and a check. But I’ve been instructed to remain in my room. As soon as the roll call is finished, breakfast will be distributed for eating in the cell. All cells in the 1st Ward are set to be occupied by only one person. The breakfast will be passed to you through a hole in the room’s wall. It’s very plain and unappetizing.
I haven’t confirmed this, but I think only my meal has been reduced in quantity. After all, I’m the only criminal among those in the 1st Ward who has committed a crime against a man. As such, I’m treated much worse than the other convicts in ways that are not limited to my meals.
Prison work starts after 8 a.m. I’m assigned several tasks, depending on the day. But, there’s no one else where I’m doing my prison work. This, too, is one of the discriminations against me.
Ever since I was admitted to the 1st Ward of Kanagawa Penitentiary, I’ve spent my time without meeting or talking to anyone else. All my actions are very likely to be monitored by surveillance cameras. My not having to take part in the morning roll-call and my working alone are probably other examples of the discrimination against me. Though it’s possible that the other convicts of this ward requested to be spared from being in the same place as me, who committed a crime against a man. But I don’t know that.
I’m normally instructed at 12:30 p.m. to go back to my room to eat my lunch, which is served at 12 p.m. There, I eat my small, cold portion before going back to my work site at 1 p.m. That work originally finishes at 4:30 p.m., but I have to stay until 5 p.m.
After returning to my cell, I eat my cold dinner before ending the day. Because the lights are turned off at 9 p.m., I have free time from 5 to 9 p.m. Back when I had just been admitted, I went to the TV room where the other convicts gathered, but because I was told off by a guard, I stopped leaving my cell, even during my free time. That’s because I’d have been attacked sooner or later if I continued to leave my cell.
I can bathe three times a week in winter and four times a week in summer. On bath days, it’s set to finish bathing between 5 and 8 p.m. As a tacit rule, I’m only granted a time frame from 7:50 to 8 p.m.
Spending my days without meeting anyone is truly harsh. If not for the letters from Mom and Nagisa, I might have gone crazy a long time ago. Letters from both were only permitted once a week. My answer was set to one per month. Since the guards checked the contents, they sent it for me.
But, even during these very harsh days, something very auspicious happened. According to the letters by Mom and Nagisa, Yuuta-sama has become engaged to Aoi-sama, the next family head of the Eternal Yoshiwara. I heard during my trial that Yuuta-sama had been deeply hurt by my foolish action and locked himself in his room. I have been praying every morning and night for Yuuta-sama’s ailing heart to heal as soon as possible. Hearing about the engagement between Yuuta-sama and Aoi-sama made me truly happy.
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I used to be a kindergarten teacher. I took a temporary leave to get pregnant through artificial insemination while also undertaking gene manipulation. The latter succeeded without any complications. Nagisa came to visit me in the hospital, but just before she returned home, my tablet sounded a notification. Even though I had switched it into silent mode. When I checked it after Nagisa left, it showed how my Service request had been accepted by Yuuta-sama. My tablet was set to always notify me audibly when my Service request was accepted, regardless of silent mode or anything else.
This was two weeks after the training program, which was part of the process until artificial insemination began.
Yuuta-sama hoped to carry out the Service Activity on a day convenient for me within the next week and thus I decided to play games with him four days later on April, the 10th.
And on the day when we did so, I foolishly let my sexual desires run wild and assaulted Yuuta-sama. As soon as I touched Yuuta-sama’s body inappropriately…police officers stormed the room and arrested me. Even though I knew that the room was monitored…what an idiot I was. No, I’m not just an idiot for forgetting about the surveillance, but…touching Yuuta-sama’s body in such a way… I was an irredeemable fool.
The crying voice of Mom, coming from the visitor’s gallery during the trial… Nagisa who defended me to the bitter end… But I was a criminal who had sexually assaulted a man. Not just me, but even my mother should have been heavily criticized by society, causing her a lot of grief and suffering. Nagis as well…even though I told her to cut off the relationship with me, she’s still sending me letters.
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Today is yet another normal day in the penitentiary. I’ll spend my days praying for Yuuta-sama until my life comes to an end.
One day, while I was thinking that, a guard arrived at the workroom where I was laboring alone. That was very unusual. It was also a person different from the guard I had seen last. I wonder how long it has been since I saw someone’s face like this.
“No. 145, you have visitors.”
“Eh?”
Visitors for me? Why…? Didn’t they make it impossible for someone to visit me? I mean, even I have the right to receive visits. The letters from Mom and Nagisa mentioned they want to visit me, but aren’t allowed to for various reasons.
Only once did I dare to ask a guard about visits, but she told me that visits wouldn’t be permitted for a while because I was imprisoned here for a sex crime against a man. Once she brought up the heaviness of the crime, I couldn’t say anything else. For this reason, I believed I wouldn’t be able to ever meet with Mom or Nagisa until I die.
“U-Umm, is it my mother?”
Is it my mother or Nagisa?
“Be quiet and follow. This is an order from above. I don’t know anything about it.”
“O-Okay…”
The guard seemed to be extremely annoyed. Interrupting my prison work, I followed her. After walking through the administrative ward for the first time since I came to this penitentiary, we arrived in front of the visiting room.
“Don’t say anything unnecessary, got it? Go inside.”
“O-Okay.”
I opened the door. My heart was thumping as I went inside while rejoicing that I’d be able to meet Mom and Nagisa. But someone unexpected awaited me inside.
“Huh?”
I haven’t forgotten about her. The one sitting on the other side of the glass was Tomoe-san, the caseworker of Yuuta-sama. I don’t know the other woman, but I guess it’s someone from the Male Supervision Department where Tomoe-san works.
“Long time no see…Suzune-san.”
“I-Indeed.”
Why? Why is Tomoe-san visiting me?
“Could you please sit down?”
“……Okay.”
While I was completely confused, I sat down on the chair for the time being. The door of the visiting room was closed.
Tomoe-san possesses blond hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. Her father is a man from another country…the Sachar Kingdom, if I remember correctly. She has an appearance that differs from that of Nihon women. Back then…she had looked at me with eyes full of hatred, protecting Yuuta-sama.
“Forgive us for surprising you with this sudden visit.”
“N-No.”
“You have…lost a bit of weight, haven’t you?”
“T-That’s right…”
It’s not a bit. Compared to the time of the incident, I have lost a lot of weight, and nowadays I look seedy. Has she come here to check whether I’m properly atoning for my crime?
“I have been calmly spending my days of atonement here. I know that I won’t be forgiven, but every day I pray that Yuuta-sama’s heart can heal at least a bit and that he will lead a healthy, peaceful life.”
“Yes…I have read the reports about your behavior, Suzune-san…”
That’s wonderful. It sounds like the guards didn’t falsify the reports about me. They properly wrote those reports because they won’t stay within the walls of the penitentiary.
“U-Umm…I was allowed to exchange letters…my mother and closest friend…let me know about Yuuta-sama’s engagement.”
“…His engagement with Aoi-sama, the next head of the Eternal Yoshiwara, was decided in May.”
“I don’t think it’s something I should say, but still…congratulations. Knowing that Yuuta-sama has cheered up and become healthy brings me a lot of joy.”
I was truly happy when I learned of this through the letters, but having this confirmed by his caseworker warms my heart once again. It’s really wonderful. Even though he was hurt because of me, Yuuta-sama is now spending his life in happiness.
“You were allowed to exchange letters, you say…what about normal visits?”
“I’m…a criminal who assaulted a man…Yuuta-sama. I haven’t been granted permission for visits yet.”
“Huh? I-Is that so…?”
Four years have already passed since the incident. It’s probably unusual not to be given permission for visits. But it’s fine. This, too, is part of my atonement.
“……”
“U-Umm…why did you come here today?”
There’s no way Tomoe-san came here to gossip. I’m also bothered by the other woman who hasn’t said a single word yet. Tomoe-san is constantly acting as if she’s hesitating about something. I wonder what is going on. She should be hating me more than anyone else. After all, I’m the person who hurt the precious male under her care. Getting yelled at by her would be inevitable. Although it happened four years ago, my crime won’t ever disappear.
“…Tomoe-san,” the other woman addressed Tomoe-san.
Her voice felt very calm and gentle.
“Suzune-san…”
“Y-Yes?”
“We came here today because we have a request?”
“A request? F-From me?”
A request? What does that mean?
“That incident…”
“…Yes.”
“Everything you confessed during the trial…was the truth, right?”
Why would she ask that now?
“…Yes. All of it is true.”
“You played a game together with Yuuta-sama, and since you desired a gentle boy like him…you committed the crime of touching his body as he didn’t resist.”
“…Yes. There is no mistake in that.
Yep….the foolish me misunderstood the situation.
“Ugh…”
“Tomoe-san.”
Are they re-investigating that incident for some reason? But why? The trial is already over, and I’ve been imprisoned for life.
“After obtaining permission from Nihon’s Prime Minister as an exceptional, special case, we’ve come here to ask you, Suzune-san.”
“O-Okay.”
“Would you meet…with Yuuta-sama?”
“…Eh?”
Meet…with Yuuta-sama? Eh? Me?
“W-Why!?”
I don’t understand. For me to meet Yuuta-sama…!
“I cannot tell you the details. But I would like you to meet with him.
“H-Has Yuuta-sama said that he wishes to meet with me?”
“Ugh…t-that’s not it.”
I really don’t get it. What is she saying? And why?
“Why are you asking me even though Yuuta-sama doesn’t wish for it?”
“That’s something…I cannot tell you either.”
“Suzune-san.”
“Y-Yes.”
The other woman addressed me.
“I’m Ayaka. Just like Tomoe-san, I belong to the Male Supervision Department. Please forgive me for not greeting you properly, even though it’s our first meeting.”
“N-No, it’s fine.”
“Tomoe-san has really told you everything we can tell you at the moment.”
“B-But.”
“It’s no wonder you are confused. But, please believe at least this much: we want you to meet Yuuta-sama for his sake.”
“For Yuuta-sama’s…sake?”
“Yes. For his sake. Nothing might change, even if you meet with him. But, it’s also possible that something will change.”
“W-What do you mean?”
I don’t understand what’s what anymore. But Ayaka-san’s expression looks serious. And Tomoe-san’s as well.
“Suzune-san…if you feel guilty for what you did to Yuuta-sama…for your crime, please follow us without saying anything.”
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Translation Notes: