“Are you alright? Theo?”
“Yea, I’m fine… guess not.” (Theo)
My name is Theo (T/N: >> Teo <<).
I’m a farmer living in the Baumeister territory and will turn 21 years old this year.
Since I’m the eldest son, I plan to succeed the house sincerely. I have married three years ago and last year my eldest son has been born as well.
Recently, in this place, there has been a heated discussion whether Kurt-sama or Wendelin-sama should become the next feudal lord of the territory.
If you want to know my opinion: I believe only the important people ought to decide such things.
However, Wendelin-sama was expanding cultivated paddy fields in the Savage Lands. Some time ago he even went as far as enlarging our field and readjusting our land in order to make the farm work easier.
If I consider that, you might likely say that there was no contest (T/N: about who becomes next feudal lord).
I’m a simple farmer, therefore, no matter who becomes the new Lord-sama, I’m busy with only my daily life.
Although I say that, I think that it’s just common sense.
Such being the case, I’m busy with farm work today as well.
Also, since my body is slender and nimble, though it doesn’t mean that I have a frail constitution, my strong point is to pick things like fruits from the trees in the forest.
After the farm work, I went to pick akebia fruits in the forest together with the people from the neighborhood, but I, whose forte should have been to climb trees, ended up making an unexpected mistake.
Was I exhausted?
My hand slipped and I fell from the tree.
“Theo, isn’t your right hand broken?”
“It has been broken with a snap.” (Theo)
Immediately Grandpa Claude, who lives next door, makes a splint and envelops it with a cloth.
If one had their bones broken, you have to fixate it with a splint after straightening it as much as possible and then wrap it in a cloth.
That’s how it has been since the olden days.
In reality one should go to a medical facility or to a place of a priest-sama, who can use healing magic, though.
Unfortunately such convenient buildings and people aren’t here.
The priest, Meister-sama, is a nice person, but he can’t use healing magic.
However, as he is proficient at knowledge about medical plants, he can prescribe a medicine, if you have an illness or such.
“Bone fractures are painful. You will cause trouble to your wife.”
“It’s alright. Right now there is Elise-sama.”
“Now that you mention it, that’s true.”
Grandpa Claude was troubled by lower back pain recently.
But, he says it was cured by the healing magic of Elise-sama, who is acting as substitute of our Meister-sama, who is resting due to having likewise injured his hips.
『My lower back pain has been cured. Elise-sama is beautiful. She gave off a nice scent at the time she cast the healing spell.』 (Claude)
Grandpa Claude talked about the time he received healing from Elise-sama with an expression, that was shining brightly. Afterwards he was hit by his wife.
『Also, these breasts. It will be fine just once, but I want to touch them.』 (Claude)
I think, that brief comment added him probably a fatal wound.
Or rather, if he hadn’t been cured by Elise-sama because of such wicked remarks and emotions, Grandpa Claude would have been exiled without a doubt, I believe.
“Anyway, you won’t be able to do anything with that hand. Go and have Elise-sama heal you.” (Claude)
Making up my mind calmly, there is a good reason for it as I will cause problems at the farm work from tomorrow onwards, if it stays as it is.
I hurried to the church with a cheerful mind.
Given that Elise-sama is Wendelin-sama’s fiancée, I absolutely can’t show such evil feelings and attitude in public.
But, I will be able to receive healing by a beauty of that degree.
If you’re a man, it can’t be helped to be delighted.
“(However, Wendelin-sama’ wives are…)” (Theo)
There’s no need to mention Elise-sama anymore.
I didn’t meet someone this beautiful in the Baumeister territory yet.
Also, the concubine candidate Luise-sama seems to be lovely with her childish appearance.
Even Ina-sama, if that sort of woman gets angry, I might get shivers and even would look forward to it.
But, I wouldn’t make such blunder like getting hit by my wife because I talked about unnecessary things like Grandpa Claude.
“(However, I’m looking forward to the healing. Isn’t that an odd feeling?)” (Theo)
Once I came as far as close to the entrance of the church, unusually there wasn’t anyone lining up as preceding visitor today.
Since Elise-sama practised healing here earnestly for a while, the patients decreased, I guess.
“(At any rate, first is Elise-sama’s countenance…) Excuse me!” (Theo)
While restraining the feelings of excitement within my heart, I opened the door of the church, but an unforeseen incident occurred then.
The reason is, the figure of Elise-sama, the beautiful sister who is just like a goddess, isn’t there.
Similar to giving a really sudden order, the unpleasant priest clothes, I see entirely, are an embodiment of small muscles.
A stern, big, middle-aged man was waiting.
However, is this person really a priest?
It was a person possessing an intimidating air to the degree that I would probably agree if someone said he was a mafia boss.
No, even a mafia boss might run away barefooted.
“Ooh! A lost lamb! What business do you have with me?” (Armstrong)
Rather than lost lamb, no matter how you looked at it, you couldn’t call the current me anything but a lost prey.
Or rather, where did that pure and beautiful Elise-sama go?
Why is a muscled giant, where I can’t get rid of the impression of being killed any time soon, calling out to me?
It appears there are countless incidents in this world, where even god is helpless.
Unintentionally my words end up clogging up.
However, although my arm was definitely broken, there shouldn’t be any particular need to rush in getting it healed today.
If it was the first thing in the morning tomorrow, there would also be the possibility of seeing the goddess-like smile of Elise-sama again.
No, it will absolutely be like that.
“Ooh! Did you break your arm? It’s my turn!” (Armstrong)
“Err, you can use healing magic, priest-sama?” (Theo)
If that’s true, such thing is an impolite remark to hear.
But, the current me earnestly didn’t want to be healed by this muscled giant.
“Affirmative! I suddenly learned it yesterday! And, since I’m no priest, you don’t have to be nervous!” (Armstrong)
Yesterday Wendelin-sama went out for an inspection in the Savage Lands and apparently something happened.
Hermann-sama said that it would be officially announced later. The current situation was unknown.
Perhaps this might be the reason for Elise-sama not being here.
“Honestly speaking, the healing should be done by my niece, Elise, who is possessing the qualifications of an assistant priest, but since she was working non-stop, I relieved her!” (Armstrong)
It was self-proclaimed, but this muscled giant seems to be Elise-sama’s uncle.
What to say? Because they aren’t parent and child, they don’t look-alike?
Should I thank god for them not looking alike?
Additionally, I have already been designated as his healing target.
If I run away from here, something grave will definitely happen in the village.
“Priest-sama, I have broken my arm…” (Theo)
“Ooh! That’s a disaster! I will start the healing right away!” (Armstrong)
As soon as he says so, bluish-white light rises up from the body of the muscled giant as if he is completely ablaze.
I think that it’s probably healing magic, but it feels completely different to Elise-sama’s magic I heard of before.
“My experience with Holy healing magic is still shallow! I want you to forgive a little bit of inexperience!” (Armstrong)
“No, I only want to receive healing with healing magic.” (Theo)
“You are a great help by just saying that! Then…” (Armstrong)
The muscled giant spreads both his hands with all his heart and begins to embrace and strangle me as is.
He doesn’t hold me tightly.
It’s a sensation you could call embracing and strangling in the truest meaning.
From the parts, where our bodies touched, healing magic flows in. I’m aware that the broken bone is gradually being cured, but I’m assaulted by a sensation similar to creaking of bones in other parts due to the excessive strength.
“Umm… Priest-sama.” (Theo)
“Yesterday I tried to test various things. Without this method, I wouldn’t be able to use healing magic. Well then, let’s wrap it up.” (Armstrong)
“(My arm seems to have been healed, but other parts will get broooken~~~!)” (Theo)
In the end, the broken bone of my arm completely recovered before the parts with broken bones increased.
Since it is useless, if he breaks several bones although he fixes a bone in one place, I thought it to be necessary for him to adjust his strength.
Rather, why is he embracing and strangling this powerfully, I wonder.
Isn’t it fine, if he holds me in his arms normally?
“It’s great that it was cured.” (Theo)
Although my broken bone was healed, I was embraced and strangled by a muscled giant.
I have decided to consider it a good thing since my injury was cured in the end, but there was a part I couldn’t agree with emotion-wise.
Also, this muscled giant isn’t only Elise-sama’s uncle, but also the Royal Head Magician, I heard.
He doesn’t look like it at all. Everyone else has been telling me that they are jealous of me having received healing by such big-wig.
But, there was still some part I couldn’t agree with, after all.
I preferred Elise-sama’s gentle treatment.
– PoV Wendelin –
“Uncle-sama, thank you very much for granting me a day off today.” (Elise)
“This kind was most suitable for simply training Holy magic! I got a lot better at healing magic as well!” (Armstrong)
“Umm, have you also put embracing without strangling into practice?” (Elise)
“No, I tested it many times, but it was impossible! Well, I consider it a good progress since I can use it now!” (Armstrong)
And, evening of that day, Elise expressed her gratitude to doushi, who accepted standing in for her in the role of substitute priest.
However, as usual, if he isn’t glued to the other party, his Holy magic won’t show any effect. I pitied the fief’s population, who was healed while being tightly embraced by the muscled doushi, from the bottom of my heart.
Pingback: Hachinan tte, sore wa nai deshou! – Omake 2: The muscled substitute Priest-sama – Infinite Novel Translations
Thanks for chapter!
The way he heals people is funny. lol
Because he can’t do it unless doing it while hugging. It can’t be helped. But, it is funny. hahaha
Anyway, Thank you!
what a ‘friendly’ ‘priest’
Poor guy. Thanks for the translation
Great omake. As expected of Muscle Doushi…
（ ´・ω・) ∫ Thanks!
＼＼ ※…. ※ ※ ヽ
thank you for the chapter
every single one he healed, wished that the way he healed them, was done by Elise…. regardless of the spouse problems it would arise
poor people they might need counciling later.
the married men will be in trouble with there wives later for sure
well… becuz he is Close Quatre Combat Magician, he also need doin it in Close Quatre Situation….
Thanks for the chapter it was very funny.
I don’t pity them, better doushi than Elise
Thanks for the chapter!
You know, apart from their wives, if the men start having evil thoughts about elise, I think they got someone much more horrifying to be worried about, you know, dragon-slaying level horrifying…
Thanks for the chapter 🙂
Their physical problems were healed but their mental problems start now.
Thanks for the chapter
Thanks for the omake, short and sweet!
Thankee for the chapter~
Rather than uncle-sama,,, better keep with oji-sama
Thanks 4 the chapter!
Sorry! Lost my self for a moment there.
…I can’t help but imagine the scene of Doushi meeting with Armstrong from FMA, and them just having a bonding session…
Thanks for the chaps.
Thanks for doing this chapter! ?
Thanks for the translation. Just wished the author would start writing normally. Fist and third person together as well as descriptions in between sentences or sentences writen as descriptions.
The next day a line forms up at the church.
Elise: and how can I help you today.
Farmer: I… um, I came in yesterday for healing but… while healed my brain and spirit where damaged…
Elise: oh, by my uncle was it?
Farmer: a-aye. Yes priestess-sama.
Elise: and how can I help you today then?
Farmer: I-…I feel my brain and spirit would be healed with a gentle healing hug from priestess-sama
That night, after priestess -sama Elise had hugged the patience from the day before, a baron named Wend went berserk killing all humans in the region.